Out of the Blue
by dumbily
Summary: A sort of weird fic where Ryan is forced to think about his past and future. And also gets laid a lot. Slash included.


            When Seth first saw her, he knew that there was no way in hell that this girl was from Newport.

                Her face sort of fit the profile.  She had sun-streaked shoulder-length blonde hair, heavy makeup, and was chewing gum.  She was intimidating-looking, Seth thought, but very pretty.   

She was wearing a black lacy tank top, a jean skirt with a studded black belt, and old beat up sneakers, and she was carrying a large green duffel bag.  Was she trying to be alternative or just slutty?  She looked weird and out of place standing on Seth's doorstep.

"Does Ryan Atwood live here?" she says, looking bored, like it's some name she's reading off a list.

"Um, yeah, he does.  But…he's at work, right now," Seth is nervously fidgeting.

"What time's he getting home?"

"Should be about an hour," Seth says.  Now he's wondering who this girl thinks she is.  Shouldn't she introduce herself or something?

"Can I hang around here until then?" she says, glancing into his house.

"Sure," Seth has a problem saying no.

"Cool," the girl grins, and holds out her hand.  "My name's Kim."

"Seth," Seth squeaks out.  He can barely talk around this stranger for some reason.

She walks into the house, plopping her bag down and making herself at home.  Seth doesn't know who this girl is, but he thinks that she sure doesn't scare easily.

"Holy shit, you have a grand piano?" she shouts from the other room.

"Yeah," Seth shrugs, walking to the other room to meet her.  It occurs to him right at this moment that maybe his parents wouldn't approve of him letting strangers in the house, even if they might know Ryan.

"Do you play?" she asks.

"No, I don't.  My mom used to, though."

"Do you mind if I do while I wait around?"

"Be my guest," Seth shrugs.  Seth doesn't know much about piano, but it's pretty clear after she begins playing that she's really good.

Seth wonders if he should wait around or something, but she seems to be pretty entertained by the piano, so he goes to make himself a sandwich.

Summer shows up uninvited.

"I was bored," is the only explanation she gives.  "What do you do around here for fun?"

Seth knows that ever since Marissa and Ryan started dating, Summer has been thinking about how maybe she should go out with Seth.  It's kind of annoying to put up with Summer's indecisive crap, but he really really likes her.  And it's possible that she might like him enough or be desperate enough to date him, which is cool with Seth.

Seth eats his turkey sandwich and they both eat out of a bag of Fritos.  Seth drinks Code Red Mountain Dew and Summer drinks Diet Coke.  They watch The Real World.

"Who's playing the piano?" Summer asks during the commercial.  

"Some girl who showed up looking for Ryan," Seth says casually, like this happens every day.

"Well, that's probably bad news," Summer says, but she doesn't press the subject beyond that.

"You going to the gala tonight?" Summer asks, but she must already know that Seth is.  It's some dumb formal silent auction for some charity.  Seth doesn't think anyone, except maybe his mom, knows the charity that they are supporting.

"Yeah, I'll be there," he nods.

"Are Marissa and Ryan going together?  The four of us should all go together," Summer says casually, and Seth knows that this is the closest that she will ever get to asking him out.

"Are you going to Craig's party afterwards?  It's probably going to be lame, but you never know," Summer says.

"Well, if you're going to go, I could probably make an appearance," Seth grins through a mouthful of sandwich.  Summer smiles back at him.

Seth hears the door open.  Ryan walks in, nods at Summer, and plops down on the couch.

"Hey, Chino, you got company," Summer says.

And the girl walks in to the living room right then.

Ryan doesn't like to see people from Chino at the Cohen's house.

When his mother was there, she didn't fit in a way that almost made Ryan sick.  It makes him sick because he thinks that maybe he is too good for his family already.

And now Kim is standing there, looking ridiculously out of place and kind of slutty and so incredibly wonderful that he scoops her up in a huge hug.

"Atwood," she says, and her voice is all crackly.  Ryan wants to kiss her, but then he thinks he probably shouldn't.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ryan says, but he's grinning.

"Hey, I figured I should check on you.  I was in the area, and I thought, wonder what Atwood's been up to," she smiled.  

"How did you get this address?" Ryan asks.

"Well, of course, you didn't tell me.  You didn't even tell me you were leaving, which was really nice, Ryan, I appreciate that.  I got it from Trey, actually," she says, and now she's staring at him.

"You visited Trey?" Ryan's gone a little pale now.

"Uh, yeah, with Sherri and Steve and all them.  He gave me the address of the letter you sent him," Kim is trying to be really casual, like it's not a big deal that she's visited Ryan's brother before Ryan has.

"Is that your bag?" he points at the green bag in the front hall.

"Um, yeah…listen, Ryan, do you think I could stay here?"

"Stay here?"

"Not for long, just like a couple nights or something," Kim says.

"Why?" Ryan knows Kim has done something stupid.

"I pissed my dad off for the last time, and now I'm moving out.  I got an apartment in the works; it's going to be totally great.  And it should be done by Monday.  But I need a place to stay until then." Kim is talking at about a mile a minute.

"Um.  I'll have to ask, I guess."

"Cool," she grins.

Ryan realizes just then that Seth and Summer are both sitting on the couch and exchanging glances.

"Um, Seth, this is Kim Taylor," Ryan mumbles.

"Oh yeah, Seth and I are old friends," Kim says.

"And this is Summer," Ryan says.

"Hi," Summer says tightly.  Her eyes are making Ryan feel guilty.  "Listen, Seth, I gotta run.  You're definitely going to the gala, though, right?"

Seth nods.  Ryan wonders if a single evening in Newport will not be spent in formalwear.  Summer leaves, still looking at Ryan with malice in her eyes. 

"Um, I can go," Seth mutters.

"No, dude, stay," Ryan says.  He doesn't really want to be left alone with Kim.  He doesn't want to talk about Trey or Chino or his mom.  Especially not his mom. 

"Uh, okay," Seth says, and now it's awkward.  Ryan knows this, but he needs Seth to stay here.  For him.

                "What's this gala?" Kim says as they watch MTV.  Ryan grabs a handful out of the open bag of Fritos.  It amazes him how eating is so casual in this house; you never have to ask if you can eat something.

"You got anything semi-formal?" Seth asks.  "It's a charity thing, I think.  There's going to be a great party after, you should check it out."

"Yeah, everything I own is in that bag.  I got a dress, I guess," Kim answers him.  Ryan wonders why Kim is here.  Why did she decide to visit him now, when things are finally going right?

"It'll be kind of lame, Kim.  Besides, Seth has a date, I have a date, it's going to be weird," Ryan finally speaks up.

"You have a date?" Kim raises her eyebrows.

"Dude, Ryan, she's not just going to hang out here alone all night.  You should definitely come," Seth says.

"He invited me," Kim grins.

And now Ryan knows.  She's up to no fucking good.

Kim's wearing the dress she wore to prom last year.  It's plain black, but it's got a big slit up the leg.  And when she first walks down the stairs in it, and looks at Ryan, she's clearly thinking of how they snuck out of the dance, wasted and wild, and fucked in his car.  

Sandy said, "Absolutely."

Kirsten said, "For a few days, Ryan, but no longer.  You understand?"

Marissa's wearing this über-trendy dress that Ryan really likes.  It's a white sundress with orange polka dots.  Her hair is straightened and down, and she looks amazing.  Ryan grins when she spins around in it.  He likes being her boyfriend.  It's so easy.

"This is Kim.  An old friend," Ryan says.  "And this is Marissa, my girlfriend."

They nod, both clearly wondering about the other.  Ryan is not going to give either of them the satisfaction of knowing anything.

Summer's wearing this silky sea-green thing that's actually pretty attractive, Ryan admits.  Objectively speaking.  An attraction to Summer is the least of his worries, thank God.  Seth is awkward and nervous because he doesn't know any other way to be.  Summer finds it endearing, Ryan guesses, because she's smiling and touching and flirting.

The limo ride is not a very talkative one.  Marissa and Kim have nothing to say to each other.  He had wondered, when his mom had visited, if she would have turned out like Kirsten if she had had the same background.  Now he wonders that about Kim, in Marissa's place.

It doesn't matter anyway, because everything happened the way that it did.  If Kim hadn't lived in Chino, Ryan would have probably been just like his brother.  And the Cohens would have never adopted his brother.

The limo stops, and everyone gets out.  Ryan's last, waiting until everyone else leaves before he does.  As he steps into the gala, he thinks he'll probably start heavy drinking tonight.

The music is banging as they pull up to the party.  It's some kind of hip hop that Ryan never got into, that the kids in Chino used to love to blast before smoking up and/or having sex.

Craig Johnson, a kid who he knows vaguely, has an amazing house.  It's not nicer than the Cohen's, but it's pretty nice.  Craig is one of Luke's best friends, one of the guys who jumped him his first night in Newport.  This makes him a little wary, but Summer says it'll be cool.

Marissa glares at Luke as they walk in.  He scowls back.  He's with some freshman girl in a tiny little white t-shirt.  Marissa has all these unresolved issues with Luke, but Ryan's never let it bother him.

                Kim is glancing at the whole scene and raising her eyebrows.  She's clearly already decided that she's so above this.  Ryan suddenly wishes that he and Seth were at home, playing video games.

Speaking of Seth, somehow he and Summer have already started making out in the thirty seconds they've been at the party.  Marissa starts laughing, and Ryan actually joins in because he's pretty happy for Seth.

Kim is nowhere to be seen, and he prays to a God he's never before trusted that she's not getting drunk, high, or laid.  He really doesn't want her to get into trouble, because that will get him into trouble.

Marissa leads him upstairs where couples go.  Everyone's getting hot and heavy, but Craig's sister's room is open.  Luckily, Marissa tells him that it's his older sister who's in college.  If his sister was in, like, fourth grade, Ryan definitely would object.

She locks the door, turns the lights out, and slowly straddles Ryan.  He's glad that Marissa lost her virginity to Luke, because he really didn't want to have to live up to her first time.  Since she had sex once, though, she's into doing it all the time.  In almost every conceivable place.  Ryan's not complaining, but it's just a series of motions instead of a relationship.

Marissa always smells like vanilla and cheap beer.  There's not a whole lot of foreplay, and the sex is pretty quick too.  Ryan's not in the mood for lovemaking or something.  And when it's all over, he holds her for a while.  He wants to tell her he loves her, but it's probably a bad idea.

When they head back downstairs, Kim and Luke are making out on the couch where Seth and Summer had been before.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Ryan grabs her by the arm.  Luke's probably going to totally kick his ass, but it doesn't matter at this point.

"It's a party, Ryan.  Chill the fuck out.  Why do you care?  You just fucked her," she slurs out, drunk as shit.

"Why are you trying to ruin my life, Kim?" Ryan says, and he really wants to know the answer.  Luke must be pretty out of it, because he's already moved on to some other girl.

"You don't even deserve it," Kim yells, and Ryan wants to hit her.

"Ryan?" Marissa says from behind him.  She drags him away from Kim.  "What the hell is up with you and that girl?"

"She's an old friend," Ryan mumbles.

"She's an old fuck," Marissa says, all pissed off.  "And she's trying to get you back."

Ryan can't argue with her.  Why else would Kim come here?

"Jesus, you want that too, don't you?" Marissa looks all panicked when Ryan doesn't respond.

"Marissa, it's not like that," Ryan pleads, but she's already storming out.

A half hour later, Ryan manages to round up Seth and Kim and tells them he really wants to go home.

By the time they get home, Ryan is just ready to go to sleep.  Kim's sobered up.  Seth has probably lost his virginity.  Ryan's not sure how he feels about that.

Kim's supposed to sleep on the couch, and he doesn't say goodnight.  She shows up in the pool house in ten minutes, just like he knew she would.  Kim could never avoid conflict.

"Why are you here?" Ryan shouts as she walks in.

"Jesus Christ, Atwood, I didn't realize you were already too fucking high and mighty for us common folk.  I honestly needed a place to stay, and I didn't know we couldn't be friends anymore since you escaped poverty."

"That's not fair, Kim.  You have no right to suddenly show up trying to be part of my life again," Ryan yells.

"I am part of your life!  I used to be your whole life, before you started thinking you're better than any of us.  That's why you never visited Trey, that's why you don't want me here.  You want me to be your past, but I refuse to do that without a fight," Kim is shouting now too.

"It's not like that.  I just am really lucky, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that," Ryan says.

"You think you'll ever fit in with these people?  You think you'll ever be more than a novelty to them?  These people were not around when your dad left.  They didn't hold an ice pack up to your jaw every time your mom's new boyfriend hit you.  And your girlfriend is clearly toting you around to get back at her old boyfriend.  She's going through her bad boy phrase, and she likes you because she hates this town and you're not from here.  That's all you are to her.  So I don't envy you.  I pity you."

Kim is exactly the same.  Her words are like salt on Ryan's already open wounds, and she will say everything and anything just to hurt someone.

"Fuck you, Kim.  I don't want you here.  You're not a part of my life anymore," Ryan says.

"Yeah, I get that, Ryan.  You're too damn good for anybody in Chino.  Even your brother.  Even your mother!  Screw you, man.  I don't need someone who treats me like that," Kim spits out.  Her eyes are on fire.  Ryan hasn't seen her this pissed off in a long, long time.

"So leave!" Ryan yells at her.

"The thing is, I can't," Kim says softly.

And then suddenly, they are kissing.

He almost forgot what kissing her was like.  It's like drowning, or what Ryan imagines drowning would be like.  That pain in his lungs, that aching familiarity.  He kisses her and can't even remember that they were fighting just a minute ago.

The kiss does not really last that long.  Ryan wasn't even sure that he liked it so much.  But it's Kim, the first person whose opinion ever mattered to him.  Kim, who he has known forever and still can't quite understand.

It is only after they break away that he realizes that that was definitely a bad idea.  He suddenly remembers he has a girlfriend, and she's pretty pissed off at him already.  He suddenly remembers that he hates Kim: she's mean and bossy and will never admit that she cares about him.  He suddenly remembers that he's at the Cohen's, that he lives in Newport, and Kim shouldn't be here, and he definitely shouldn't be kissing her.

"I'm gonna go," Kim says finally.

"Yeah, good," Ryan spits after her.  She glares at him and just shakes her head.

He calls Marissa in the morning, but she's not going to talk to him for at least a few days.  Ryan recently learned her game is to throw some kind of fit, not answer the phone for a few days, and then act like nothing ever happened.  Hey, it's not like he was ever attracted to her because she was mentally stable.

Ryan can tell that Seth likes Kim and wouldn't mind if she stuck around.  This pisses Ryan off a lot, because he is supposed to be Seth's best friend.  Seth is not supposed to be chummy with the girl who Ryan just can't get rid of.

Kim doesn't look at Ryan when he walks in the living room with a bowl of cereal.  Kim doesn't say anything when Ryan changes the channel.  Kim is pretending Ryan does not exist, which is pretty annoying when she is staying in Ryan's house.  Well, not Ryan's house.  But more Ryan's house than hers.

Seth is going to the mall with Summer.  He wants to talk to Seth about what happened last night, but of course he can't with stupid Kim here.  Seth doesn't look any different.  For some reason, Ryan really really hopes that Seth hasn't lost his virginity to Summer.

He's hanging out in Seth's room, reading his European History book and taking notes.  He doesn't think that Kim's presence should interfere with his homework here, even though it always did in Chino.  

Kim walks in, and Ryan can tell it's a peace offering right away.  He's just not sure if he's going to accept.

"I'm not really sorry," Kim says.

"What kind of an apology is that?" Ryan blinks.

"It's not an apology, I just don't want to be mad at each other when I move," Kim always explains things with her hands.

"So you're really moving, huh?" Ryan hadn't really given thought to that.  He had sort of assumed it was an excuse to visit him.

"Yeah, it's official.  What, did you think I'd live with my old man the rest of my life?" Kim smiles.  Ryan doesn't look at her.

"You did?  Jesus Christ, Ryan, thanks for having so much fucking faith in me," she shakes her head.  "Just because I didn't steal a car and get adopted by my public defender doesn't mean I won't get out of Chino."

"You want to stop with the personal attacks?" Ryan glares at her.  "How did you get an apartment?  Sullivan?"

"Yeah, Sullivan.  You know him, he hooked me up.  The rent won't be that cheap, but I'm gonna get a job.  It's gonna be excellent, out on my own," Kim grins.

"So you're…just going to quit school?" Ryan asks.  It occurs to him just then that he'll probably be expected to go to college.  He's never imagined life beyond high school.

"I don't really see much of a choice," Kim shrugs.

He wonders again what Kim would have been like, given the opportunities of Seth or Marissa.  Or even himself.  He is incredibly lucky.  Kim was right.  He doesn't deserve it.  Why him, instead of anyone else?

"I could always use a roommate," Kim says, looking at him pointedly.  And then she kisses Ryan and everything stops making sense again.

After the sex, Ryan starts to remember things that he had not thought about for a long time.

He remembers jumping into leaf piles with Kim, eating lunch with her everyday.  He remembers Steve asking Kim out in seventh grade and her shooting him down in the harshest way possible, worse than anything Summer's ever said to Seth.  He remembers when Kim's mom died, when she was 12.  She didn't cry at all except for that first night.  Ryan can't remember ever seeing Kim cry other than that.  He remembers cutting class with her.  He remembers his first time.  His, not hers.  He tried not to let that fact bother him, but of course it did.  He remembers stealing beer and driving around all day with nothing to do.

And he remembers everybody else too.  Steve, who was dopey and awkward, but loyal and funny too.  And Sherri, with her big mouth and bad reputation, who had an abortion in the 9th grade.  He remembers all those Chino kids blasting loud music and just hanging out.  He kind of misses it, in this town where no one seems to have any fun.  He remembers how cool Trey was, how everybody knew who he was instantly because he was Trey's brother.  Trey and Kim used to be the two people he cared about the most.

 "Did you and Trey ever fool around?" Ryan asks her.  He's never thought about it, but now that he does, it seems so obvious.

"Aw, Ryan, let's not go there, okay?" Kim says, which means yes.  "I really like your friend Seth."

Ryan nods.  "He's a good guy."

"Do you like him?" Kim asks, raising her eyebrows.

"What?" Ryan feels all weird when she asks that question.  Is she asking what Ryan thinks she's asking?

"I don't know, you just seem to.  Does he know you kind of go either way?" Kim says.

"God, of course he doesn't know that.  Look, even if I wanted to, I couldn't mess around with Seth," Ryan shakes his head.

"Because he's your foster brother?  And his parents pay your bills?"

"Yeah, that.  And he's like…my best friend here.  It would be too weird, it would mean too much, you know?"

"God, I know," Kim sighs.

Ryan does not hold her after sex.  He never really has, because she is not really the kind of girl that wants to be held.  He knows she would freak out if he ever did, because she doesn't show emotion ever and needs to be totally independent all the time.  He wants to tell her that he loves her, but he knows that's a horrible idea.

"So you given any thought to living with me?" Kim asks.  She's pretty manipulative, all this crap about how no one will ever accept him here.  But it's tempting.  Ryan thinks about a little apartment with just him and Kim, baking cakes and stuff.  Kim would walk around in her bra, because she always does, and Ryan would clean up all the time, because he's sort of a neat freak.  It's a nice little picture.

But Ryan knows it's a load of crap.  He and Kim could never, ever get along for that long.  She would try to make him jealous by bringing guys home.  He would want to casually sleep with her but still see other people.  He couldn't drop out of school, and she would drive him crazy with her drug dealer friends.

"That's a horrible idea," Ryan laughs, and he thinks that maybe she looks a little hurt, but she brushes it off.

"Whatever, man.  Your loss," she smiles.

Kim moves out the next day, and Seth and Ryan don't get around to visiting her new place until almost a month later.

Ryan broke up with Marissa.  It was inevitable, he decided.  He wanted to start over and be her boyfriend so much, but he knows now that he'll never really be that person.

It's weird that Seth has a girlfriend, but Ryan doesn't.  Summer is still not that nice, but she's really growing on Ryan.  She makes him laugh anyway.  Seth is the boyfriend Ryan should have been, because he's totally and completely in love with Summer.

They decide to go one Saturday morning.  For a housewarming present, Seth and Ryan buy her a keyboard.  Seth also bakes oatmeal raisin cookies.  Ryan knows that Seth is so happy that Ryan stayed instead of leaving with Kim.  That makes Ryan happy that Seth is happy.

Seth drives there.  It's in a pretty crummy neighborhood, but it's a step up from Chino, and it's definitely a step up from living with Kim's dad.

"You know who Kim reminds me of, sorta?" Ryan says.  It's rare that Ryan starts a conversation between him and Seth.

"Who?  Someone really cool?" Seth asks.

"Summer, actually."

"Oh yeah, Summer and Kim.  I can see it, seeing as they both grew up with practically nothing and had to make such difficult decisions all their lives," Seth says sarcastically.

"No, no really.  They're both so honest, to the point of being painful.  They both make me laugh but frustrate me too.  But you always know where you stand with a girl like that."

"Yeah, I guess I can see the connection," Seth says.

It's quiet after that.

Kim's place is kind of cool, actually.  Tiny, but Ryan knows it would be fun to live there with her.

"When did you learn to play the piano?" Seth asks, which is a good question.  Kim's not a Newport girl who got to take tennis lessons and all that shit.  Kim explains how her dad used to own a bar with a piano in it, and how a man used to come to play once a week.  He would give her a lesson afterward, and she would give him candy or something.  Ryan remembers how her family lost the bar shortly after Mrs. Taylor died, and how Kim's whole life went to shit after that.

She loves the presents, of course.  Ryan knows that Kim's grown up and never gotten any kind of present from anybody.  This makes him angry and sad, but he's also kind of gotten over it.  Life is unfair, but Kim's learned to deal with it.

She makes them peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwiches, and then she realizes that they have no milk.  

"You can't eat a fluffer-nutter without milk," she says, shaking her head.  So Kim runs off to the store and leaves Ryan alone with Seth in her apartment.

     Things are still weird with Ryan and Marissa.  They're still weird with Ryan and Kim too, actually.  But Ryan wants to forget about that for a while, and so he just watches Seth eat.

"You're going to regret not waiting for the milk," Ryan says.  Seth laughs.

Seth somehow has peanut butter on his chin, which is funny and stupid and so very Seth-like.  And when Ryan reaches over and licks it off, it's the most natural thing in the world.

Seth is gasping.

"Ryan?" he whispers.  Ryan doesn't say anything, just slides his tongue into Seth's already open mouth.

Ryan realizes that they've both wanted this for a long time.

Ryan's not that smart about most things, but he knows why he decided to stay in Newport after all.  He knows that although he cares about Marissa, and he cares about Kim, right now he's gripping onto Seth's shoulders for dear life.  He knows that this is probably never going to work out.

But when he whispers to Seth that he loves him, it's the best idea he's had in years.


End file.
